Today was a normal Tuesday morning. I woke up wondering why I’m alive, why I have to get out of my ever so comfortable bed to face to day. Then I turn over and see your face and then I feel sadness sweep over me.
Actually, that wasn’t this morning. I was in a fantastic mood, I wasn’t tired, I was very chipper and ready to face the day! Then you asked if you could use my bobby pin and I thought to myself, “That isn’t something you have to return… it’s like toilet paper…. I don’t want it back.” Although, I’m sure tonight you’ll be trying to give it back to me. UGH.
Anyways, after Bible, I made my way to BWVW but I ran into Lauren on the way (YAY!!) and then you found us with your creepy radar and started talking to us. I hate you. Go away please. You scratched your disgusting, unwashed, untamed, wildabeast that you call hair and then had the nerve to TOUCH MY ARM RIGHT AFTER. Am I the only one who realizes how disturbing that is?
First, touching people when you talk to them is too motherly (my own mom doesn’t do that) and also just creepy. It’s lesbian to me. I don’t want you to be a lesbian.
Second, you scratched your head and touched someone else. That’s unsanitary and very disrespectful to my beautiful arm. I bathe daily to keep that arm clean. You. Ruined. That.
I swiftly pulled away and said, “Don’t touch me.” But, like discussed in blogs past, you think that is an invitation to touch me more. No. When I say don’t do something, I MEAN DO NOT DO IT. Seriously, have respect.
Oh but when you tried touching me this time it was worse…. WAY WORSE. You went for my face. My beautiful, clear, healthy, amazing face (I sound conceited, but if you felt this thing, you’d understand). I had to move your hand away from me. Seriously. Ugh, you’re frustrating me woman.
Just last night on the way home from dinner we dicussed how your biggest insecurity is your acne. It just dawned on me why you might have it. Yes, puberty plays a huge role. Did you ever think though that touching your face multiple times (especially after touching what creatures live in that scalp) might be a big reason for that? Yes. It is.
I don’t want what you have.
So please, in the future, be curtious to me and others. Do not try to touch me. Especially after scartching your head or anything for that matter. Oh my…